BLACK ARM BAND DAY IN BETHESDA

For Immediate Release
March 21st, 2011

Bethesda, Md (NP) –

Thousands of Bethesdans staggered through the city today, with all hope lost and with their dreams crushed at the announcement in New York this morning that the Mets had cut ties with Oliver (Olley-Oop) Perez.

“It’s horrible,” said crossing guard Luke Trenholme. “This is worse than New Coke.”

BLACK ARM BAND DAY IN BETHESDA“It’s just not fair,” lamented Bandicoots’ announcer Virgil Nubbins. “How come they can hust go and cut the guy and we can’t? It’s just not right. We got rid of Ian (Scratch ‘n’) Snell, but Ollie can’t do anything but play soft toss anymore.”

With Bethesda already expected to vie for the cellar throughout the 2011 MWBL season, this latest blow to the team’s future has Las Vegas odds makers revising pre-season expectations that the team losses will climb from 103 to as high as 104.

“It’s a sad thing to see,” confided bookie Louis Lockjaw Shanks shaking his head and choking back tears. “OP gave every slob out there with an 80 mph fastball hope that he could make the jump from the Saturday afternoon beer leagues to the pros and now all that’s gone in one swipe of the pen. This is going to change the game. And I don’t mean in a good way.”

I GOTTA GET OUT OF BETHESDA. I'M WAY TO COOL WITH MY SHADES TO PLAY IN THAT TOWNA four-year veteran of the Mets, Perez leaves the team after posting a scintillating 8.38 ERA to go with 13 hits, 8 walks and 6 strikeouts in 9.2 innings this Spring. “What can I say – I’m bummed,” Perez said from his tent trailer pitched in the Bandicoots’ Spring training facility parking lot in Lake Okeechobee. “I thought I’d improved a lot over the last two seasons and wanted to show them I could show the same improvement again this year (the same improvement would see his ERA drop from 6.82 in 2009 and 6.80 in 2010 to 6.78 in 2011 – dare to dream, Oliver … dare to dream).”

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